Cartoon Crushes

Growing up, we all had cartoon crushes. Let's all admit that right now.

Most of my friends liked Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid, or Aladdin (proving decades before Matt Smith that apparently Fezzes are cool). I definitely see the appeal in these animated heroes, with their thick black hair and pleasantly drawn features, but my cartoon crushes tended to form based on interesting-ness rather than classic appeal.

And it took me until last week to realize just how weird my choices are, when a bunch of us named our cartoon crushes at the Shabbat table and my choice got blank stares and a raised eyebrow or two. Now I suspect that I may have issues (but I will not apologize, darn it!).

And so I am opening myself up to mockery right now, as I admit for all the world my top five cartoon crushes. I get it, I'm a nerd and a weirdo, but I still maintain that any one of these guys would have a lot more personality than Prince Eric, and be a much better date than steal-me-a-loaf-of-bread Aladdin.

No particular order here.

1) Tulio and Miguel from The Road to El Dorado

I see no reason to justify this. Who didn't develop a crush on one (or both) of these bromantic heroes? Tulio, the tall, dark, smart one. Miguel, the stocky, blond, happy one. As far as I'm concerned, if you didn't like one of these Spaniards, there's an issue here. Personally, I alternated between them. Tulio's more my look, and who doesn't love a Kevin Kline performance, but Miguel is just so sweet and unassuming (for a con artist)... and he's got that guitar.

Plus, neither one is ashamed to scream like little girls when necessary.

2) Clopin from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

This is the one that got me strange looks at the meal that inspired this post. But honestly! He's the narrator of a very underrated Disney movie, he's got puppets, he can sing, he can dance and do backflips, he's great with kids, and he's king of the gypsies of Paris. Plus, it's not every guy who can pull off fuchsia.

Okay, so he's kind of a semi-sadistic jerk and halfway through the movie shows hints of being a raving psycho. But he's just so much fun to watch. And I want those shoes. Okay, maybe I do have problems.

3) Nightcrawler from X-Men: Evolution

From weird to worse. Yes, he's blue. But if that bothers you, catch him with the image inducer on (which makes him look "normal," anti-mutant racists). Honestly, I was more bothered by that nineties-"fashion" they had him wear with his pants looking like they were always going to fall down. But that personality! Kurt is absolutely adorable as far as I'm concerned, plus he's funny and got that Clopin-acrobatics thing. He's got issues, but he's not angsty about them (I'm looking at you, goth-Rogue), and then there's the accent- I'm really starting to discover a pattern going here with my cartoon crushes, by the way.

4) Flynn Rider from Tangled

Okay, this one isn't a shocker. Who doesn't love this guy? Though I'll be honest, I prefer him when he's all snarky and being forced to dance than when he's all romantic and stuff.

Also when he's sneak-punching a horse.

5) Tack from The Thief and the Cobbler

Because there's always room in my heart for the shy ones, okay??????

If you're going to watch that movie, do NOT watch the theatrical release version. It was butchered. Watch the recobbled cut on YouTube. But that's a rant for another day.

So, cartoon crushes. I've confessed mine and yeah, maybe they're a little weird. But I'd like to think they're interesting. I know I'd have a better time in a rowboat with Miguel or Flynn than the Little Mermaid had with Eric.